H is for Hurt and Healing {A to Z Challenge}

I don’t speak about my past often. I don’t bring it up or go out of my way to direct a conversation towards it. But if you bring it up I won’t ever lie about it. Recently, a wise friend told me to write about it. I looked at her and of course called her crazy and told her to write about it. Today is a good excuse to write about being hurt and being healed.

It all started 2 years ago…or is it 3 years ago? I think it was three years ago, when my father left us. I was in grade 10, my sister in grade 6,  and my mother had just recovered from a terrible car accident and was started to feel better again.  As I grew up, I began to become more aware of the unfair relationship my parents had. But I never expected either of them to up and leave.

It was a few days after valentine’s day, when he left us, and we found out about the other woman. There is a lot more to the story but that is all that I sincerely feel comfortable posting. All you need to know is none of the therapists I was forced to see helped. I wrote severely. I wrote as often as I breathed. I swore never to trust men ever again. But then I met this guy that made me forget about my fathers non-existence and faults. He didn’t last long before he broke my trust and my heart. And that was the deal breaker. I would NEVER TRUST MEN AGAIN!…I WAS 16 YEARS OLD! HOW ON EARTH WOULD I GET THROUGH LIFE LIKE THIS!? (PS: I made it this far!)

A year went by, and I still had major trust issues, along with a fear of abandonment. I finally stopped thinking about him though. I finally could wake up and not think about it! That was around the same time that I began writing about love again. I have always loved writing about love best! It was also around the same time that I had started talking to Jeff, who is now my best friend in the world.

Talking to him gave me that extra push back to where I felt and still feel that I should be. He gave me hope that there were still nice men out there, and that not all guys are out to squash my heart. 3 months later I finally promise that I trust him, unlike any other guy that has ever influenced my life.  It has now been a year and a bit! I heal like I am back on track, to make the most of my life, except I am 4 million times stronger.

Jeff always says that everything happens for a reason. Maybe I wouldn’t have found him if my dad hadn’t left. So the only thing that I could possibly thank my father for is for leaving us and giving me the opportunity to meet Jeff, and leaving me to grow up into a girl who will never cheat on any soul in her entire life!

There’s my story. Hope it helps someone move forward, and start trusting again.

Stay H-hopeful.

Mazie.

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