“Mazie….Write something!!!!!” #1: When I was young:

writesomething

When I was young

When I was younger, I was told to
sit, stay, and be smaller.
Less noticeable.
Less there.
As if I as some loud mistake,
that couldn’t be taken back.
I was that pair of shoes,
on the clearance rack,
that you were too lazy to try on.
Now you’re stuck,
both literally and figuratively.

When I was younger,
I used to think “Pretty” meant “Blonde”
So I went out and I bought boxes upon boxes of “Pretty”.
Soaking my roots in this chemical beauty.
Soaking in the pretty.
Bleaching my self of my natural given beauty.
I was always told that being pretty,
had a cost.
Believe me….. 10 boxes of “Pretty” later,
I knew its cost.

When I was younger,
I was convinced that love was a fairy tale.
that love only happened to the lucky people.
that love is what happens when one gives up,
being by themselves.
being alone.
When one cannot smile unless,
that other person is holding up the corners of their mouth.
No, I thought love was a myth,
some kind of lore, or fable,
trying to teach us that if we aren’t careful,
we’ll fall in love and fall apart.
and we’ll never be able to be alone again.
I used to run from love.
I used to be good at running.

Now that I’m older,
I’ve learned that Love and “Pretty” don’t come in boxes.
I also learned that I don’t have to stay in box or a cage.
I taught myself to embrace what I’ve been given.
Even if no one else will embrace it.
I’ve taught myself that love is not a curse,
but a privilege, and that you don’t get much of a choice.
You love who you love,
and the hard part is finding love in return.
I’ve learned that pretty means confidence.
and blonde is a hair colour and only a hair colour.
I’ve also learned that red heads have souls,
and I really think I like mine.
I’ve learned that running gets tiring after a while.
And that I should really try to focus on staying in one place.
Staying at one pace.
Staying somewhere, and keeping my space.

 

….it’s super early…. *snore*

xoxoxo, mazerbeams!

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