For the next 8 weeks I will be participating in the One Word Challenge hosted by The Golden Spoons! Each Friday you get 3 prompts to choose from, and each Wednesday you link up with other participants.
I chose the word complicated, here is my post:
Originally, I spent a day writing this post about how I thought the inner workings of my relationship were to complicated, but in deleting that out of fear that someone would read it, I deleted it. And that has birthed a new take on complication.
This blog is a little complicated. It used to be my recovery place, where I talked about how I was getting better, what steps I took every day to feel alright, a diary of sorts. Now that this blog is a little more successful, it has specific guidelines for posts. Lines I have set to keep myself in certain categories. I feel like I have restricted myself from talking about my sad things, or my concerns, because it doesn’t fit in. I worry that my readers won’t want to read my never-ending sentences of panic. I have to keep it too myself. Which is fine. I have recently started keeping a journal again. Just a commonplace book where I put everything. I write my feelings and my memories, but its not secure. I keep it with me or on a table when I sleep, if someone wanted to read it they completely could! So I hesitate from writing bad things in there! Which is probably good, because who wants to read the bad things?
I guess what I am trying to say is that I am having a complicated time finding a place to put my sad things, or my bad days. I am still moving forward, and yes there are days that I can not be touched, I can not be myself, that just comes with the territory, but in order to get past it, I need to record it to get it out of my head. So I have numerous files titled “don’t read this”, or “delete this tomorrow”. I have videos of myself talking myself into tears because I couldn’t write it all down.” and for the past while its been working, but I still have the urge to write it here. TheseLittlePieces, originally meant all the little pieces that I had to pick up and put back together. But now it just means all the pieces of me and my life.
I’m honestly so glad that I am doing this challenge, and that I picked this word. Because I have been trying to figure out what exactly has been going on with my blog and my mind, and writing this post, and the one I deleted before it, really just helped me understand myself better.
My apologies for run on sentences or negativity, just know that even the happiest of faces can hide the sadness.
Love you all!
For all the new viewers coming from the challenge, I strongly encourage you to not back out and run away, I post a lot more enthralling content I PROMISE!
Stay beautiful everyone,
Leave a comment below with something that gives you complicated feelings!